Reflective Seeds by Counsellor Seyram

My story is one laced with bittersweet encounters but I have the will to share it because I believe others can have the courage to do what I couldn't do for myself and my future years ago. When I got married about thirty-nine (39) years ago, it was with the understanding that my husband will accept as his own, my daughter who was a toddler at the time. He assured me that he loved me and accepted to love and nurture my daughter as well.  He even insisted that I should stay at home while he worked to cater for the family.  In the beginning, I accepted his conditions not to work and we were a beautiful family open to welcome more children. He kept to his promise, at least for the first two years of the marriage and our home was peaceful. However, his sisters visited one day and discouraged him from taking care of my daughter who they labelled as another man's child. She was still but a little girl. Somehow, they managed to get him to neglect my daughter and he never reconsidered ...

I lost my virginity as a teenager through multiple rape but I couldn't tell anyone. It changed my life as I became suicidal. I felt worthless with nothing left to protect and I just wanted to die. I became timid and vulnerable; so, several men took advantage of me. By the time I was in my mid-twenties, about twenty (20) men including close male friends, distant relatives, colleagues from school, church and even some pastors took advantage of me sexually. I began to consider myself as being under a CURSE and constantly attempted suicide but failed. Eventually, I got married despite my family disapproval and many unresolved issues between myself and my partner. I just wanted to be married hoping the "curse" will be broken and I will be set free. Sadly, I realized soon after the marriage that I had made a terrible mistake. The "curse" was not broken and men still exploited me and had their way with me but my husband did not even care or protected me. I gradually w...

Mind reading is an act of trying to discern the thoughts of others without the latter expressing them explicitly. It is necessary to work against mind reading as it leads to distorted thoughts, beliefs and assumptions about issues concerning us and those influenced by our activities. Here is a real life story illustration on why mind reading must be avoided at all times… I had arranged for dressmakers to work on new clothing for our twins. When we went to the shop for the clothing, our son’s attire was ready for collection while his twin sister’s clothing was not ready as promised by the dressmaker. We left the shop disappointed as we had only one attire. The next day when the twins were being dressed up, our son wore his new clothing while the sister had to make do with the old clothing. Looking at them, I felt sad and guilty that we could not facilitate her new attire reaching her in time (although it was not directly my fault. I felt responsible). So I said to her “ I will get...

When I was eight years old, my only brother died and it took a heavy toll on me. Interestingly enough, I didn’t cry when I heard the news. By age 13, I didn’t understand why I always felt so sad. I developed fear of heights because I’d hear voices urging me to jump every time I went one storey up a building. I struggled with a profound sense of loneliness and a void in my heart, which I never understood as a child. I started cutting myself as a way to cope. I lived through this darkness for many years, somehow escaping death one way or the other. Now, I feel it was God desperately yanking me out of a dark place because He needed me to tell my story so that it can to give others hope. Despite being the one with the biggest smile among my friends, I struggled to leave my house every day, dreading bumping into someone I had to greet. I loved being home by myself but also hated the feeling of loneliness. I got panic attacks whenever I heard the phone ring, so I always kept my phone on s...

When I turned 28, the topic of marriage became harrowing. I was getting older and needed to settle by the old age of 30 or so I thought. It so happened that my spiritual mother connected me to her spiritual son who happened to be a pastor. Incidentally, I had informed her in a conversation that I would be glad to get married to a pastor. I did not think that she would connect me to a pastor who was still navigating life for himself. Someone who had no church affiliation and still lived in his parents’ house. Retrospectively, this was not the issue for me. I eventually agreed to the marriage hesitantly. This was my spiritual mother, she could not have made a mistake in connecting me to a life partner. In fact, I felt there was something enigmatic about the pastor’s demeanour but I could not put them in words. He was over excited to meet me but reluctant to start making arrangements for marriage. Eventually, the cat came out of the bag and we all got to know that he had an alcohol addic...

MYTHS ABOUT THE COUNSELLING PRACTICE This is the third and final part of our write-ups on What do you know about Counselling? In this post, we address some myths about the counselling practice and reasons why we need to debunk them. If you missed the first two posts, please read them via insert links; https://reflectiveseedsbycounsellorseyram.blogspot.com/2024/08/in-ring-of-life-what-do-you-know-about.html; https://reflectiveseedsbycounsellorseyram.blogspot.com/2024/07/in-ring-of-life-what-do-you-know-about.html A number of myths are associated with Counselling services and this breeds stigma sometimes and also prevents individuals who are in dire need of counselling from seeking out the service. We will discuss some of such myths and why it is important to diffuse them from our minds if we genuinely require counselling to boost our functionality. Myth 1: Counselling is giving advice. One of the biggest confusion and challenges associated with Counselling is the thought that it is adv...