IN THE RING OF LIFE: SOME THOUGHTS ON VIRGINITY.

A virgin may loosely be defined as someone who is naïve or/and inexperienced about sexual relations because he or she has never been engaged in it. According to plannedparenthood.org, the description of a virgin is relative because sexual relations and orientation differ thus the act of having sex (penetration between the male and female reproductive organs) means different things to different people. 

Also, further reading on the site indicates that many people believe that sexual assault is not sex thus anyone who suffers it may not consider that as losing one's virginity. Admittedly then, the phenomenon of virginity is broad and somewhat relative based on different factors. It is a cultural and perhaps moral principle that may not always have scientific evidence to support it.

As indicated above, there are many ways to describe virginity. However, this reflection is centered mostly on the primary consideration of the word in relation to the penetrative act involving the male and female reproductive organs. It seeks to add to the discourse on what virginity should entail especially for young people and how it may be possible to begin considering the concept of re-virginisation as an opportunity to reinforce self-worth, restore lost dignity significantly and improve overall sexuality of individuals. 

This is, in no way, intended to advocate losing virginity and trivialise the ideals of virgins. Rather, it is to encourage individuals to perceive the discourse on virginity in a more progressive manner. 

Irrespective of one's religious, cultural and moral beliefs, it has been observed that losing one's virginity especially during teen years does a lot more havoc than good to the individual. Some of the disadvantages include sexually transmitted infections, associated guilt, remorse, emotional and psychological discomfort, unintended pregnancies, loss of self-worth and dignity. The more troubling aspect is its somehow addictive nature and the tendency to drive the individual to engage with multiple sexual partners at a time in extreme cases. Unfortunately, others due to sexual abuse at tender ages lose their self-worth and begin to give in widely to sexual encounters. For some people, this may mean the inability to stay faithful to one partner in later adult years even after they settle in marriage due to the constant search for more satisfaction.

Also worrying is the trend of individuals who, in an attempt to satisfy their sexual needs without losing their virginity through the primarily considered traditional means, become dependent on other methods including masturbations, use of sex toys and other unhealthy penetrative acts (oral and anal). In other words, such individuals tend to resort to unconventional means to achieve sexual pleasure. The concern here, again, is that these can be very addictive and may have negative health and psychosocial effects on the individual usually in later years of adulthood as well as marriage.

Aside the impact of losing one’s virginity as a teen due to sexual activities, young people may break their virginity for the purposes of pleasure, curiosity and peer pressure. Ultimately, abstinence until marriage is the best choice. 

However, for those who have already lost their virginity through any means, there is hope to re-virginise oneself by making the choice and decision of ending any intimate relationships or sexual indulgences when the individual is not ready for marriage. This offers the individual the advantage of avoiding the negative effects discussed above as well as giving the person a stable peace of mind. It equally enables the individual to wield a sense of moral uprightness while achieving faithfulness in a relationship along its added benefits.

As we empathise with individuals who might have lost their virginity due to lack of insight on safeguarding one's virginity or especially through sexual abuse for which they had no control, we wish to encourage them to seek professional counselling support to be able to overcome the associated trauma and avoid developing an addictive pro or anti sexual behaviour.

Indeed, what has been taken away cannot be recovered but it is possible to protect what remains. You may not be a virgin again in the actual sense of the word but you can sincerely redefine your sexual life to one which is morally proper and edifying to you as a human being; you owe yourself that dignity! You can stop the clock and restart again, the choice is solely yours.

Reference: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/sex/virginity