Reflective Seeds by Counsellor Seyram

I was a new mum in 2020 when I lost my job unexpectedly. I didn't see it coming! I didn't contribute to it in anyway. It just happened because someone wanted to bring in their relative and I was the sacrificial lamb! This affected me both mentally and physically. I got depressed. It was a bitter pill to swallow.  It also affected my marital home because it meant that we had just one source of income. You couldn't ask for anything; all responsibilities were on the man. There were times I wanted to just leave the house but to where? I didn't have any money. I knew I was mentally exhausted but I could not even open up to people because I didn't want a pity party neither did I want my issues moving around. Also, I am quite paranoid so I was scared to open up to people. It was not an easy journey. For four (4) years I lost myself, I wouldn't even look in the mirror. I honestly don't know how I got out of that difficult phase of my life. I also don't recall ...

Back in the University, I was in a relationship with this guy. Everything was beautiful and all rosy in the beginning. He was always showering me with gifts. He became very possessive, always threatening my male friends and colleagues. He even warned my study mate to stay away from me. Initially, I felt his possessive attitude meant he was protective and was showing me love but it became worse by the day. He had a bad temper and became abusive but he had a way of apologising and I forgave him because I wanted the relationship to work. His mum told me about his temper and asked me to handle it with patience. There was a day he got angry and hit me, I cried my eyes out, I couldn't believe it happened to me, he came apologising. I forgave him but couldn’t leave the relationship. His temper and anger issues were escalating. I wanted out but couldn't voice out. In my mind I had signed out of that relationship but couldn't tell him due to his temper. I was scared of his react...

The concept of accountability can be considered as the values of upholding certain standards of honesty, dependability, responsibility and excellence in execution of duties and human relations. To be accountable is to acknowledge your role play in happenings and making a conscious effort to right wrongs where necessary. Living by standards of accountability helps to ensure that your actions are undertaken with caution bearing in mind the repercussions of those actions on yourself and others in your sphere of influence. Accountability can be enforced by the individual when he or she is honest enough with him or herself to identify, accept and remedy shortcomings when they occur. However, it is quite common for one to lose sight of such lapses due to human weaknesses and absence of a support system to keep us in check. This highlights the need to have an accountability partner. Here are some few reasons why you may want to consider having an accountability person - if you do not have o...

I never thought I would have the courage to share this, but the lessons I have learnt might help someone else. In my early thirties, I returned to school for graduate studies. I was single and focused — and I certainly didn’t expect that an academic environment would be a breeding ground for sexual predators. I have kept myself for marriage. It’s not something I broadcast, but my innocence in this area tends to show. That year, I also lost my father. In my grief and vulnerability, I longed for someone who could fill that emotional gap. That, in hindsight, was my mistake. Here’s the truth: accomplished older men are often drawn to younger women who admire them — especially those who appear vulnerable. Over time, four lecturers made sexual advances toward me. At first, I thought something must be wrong with me . I even went to therapy. Therapy helped me see clearly: that some men are just predators. They target women who remind them of the dreams they once had — or the power they want to...

According to the Collins dictionary, a relationship is an emotional or other connection, association or involvement between two or more persons by blood, marriage or other social means. Relationships may be intimate, casual, platonic, romantic, co-dependent, open, sexual or even toxic. Some forms of relationship include family, friendship, acquaintances or social (work, religious affiliations, events), sexual or situationships. This implies that a relationship may have positive or negative impact on the parties involved depending on the form of relationship they share and the sense of commitment they attach to it.   Relationships especially involving two persons of the opposite sex may be intimate, platonic, romantic, open or sexual. However in instances where the relationship is one intended for courtship or marriage, it is important for the couple to focus on building and maintaining a positive focus for continuity. Unfortunately, excuses are often made on why multiple partners...

The Cambridge online dictionary defines waiting as “to allow time to go by, especially while staying in one place without doing very much, until someone comes, until something that you are expecting happens or until you can do something”. The Collins Dictionary also expresses the term wait as “when spending some time doing very little, because you cannot act until that thing happens or the person you expect arrives”.  To wait in life basically implies experiencing a pause or halt in a hitherto planned life pattern or schedule due to a reason or two. As we go through life, there may be reasons which can compel us to wait for someone or something. Some may be voluntary while others may be involuntary. Involuntary reasons for waiting in life includes unemployment, financial challenges, issues with social interactions, environmental constraints, religious demands,   relationship problems, disasters, sudden loss or illness, death and   other existential issues. Volunt...