HEALING TOGETHER: BREAKING FREE FROM AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

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Back in the University, I was in a relationship with this guy. Everything was beautiful and all rosy in the beginning. He was always showering me with gifts. He became very possessive, always threatening my male friends and colleagues. He even warned my study mate to stay away from me. Initially, I felt his possessive attitude meant he was protective and was showing me love but it became worse by the day.

He had a bad temper and became abusive but he had a way of apologising and I forgave him because I wanted the relationship to work. His mum told me about his temper and asked me to handle it with patience. There was a day he got angry and hit me, I cried my eyes out, I couldn't believe it happened to me, he came apologising. I forgave him but couldn’t leave the relationship. His temper and anger issues were escalating. I wanted out but couldn't voice out.

In my mind I had signed out of that relationship but couldn't tell him due to his temper. I was scared of his reaction and how the news will spread on campus. It affected my self-esteem and confidence. I knew that wasn't the kind of relationship I wanted but I couldn't do anything about it. We completed school and I felt so relieved. I was finally free. l couldn't boldly tell him it was over but I started acting cold and we just drifted apart.

I wish I had boldly told him about how I felt and just ended the relationship while on campus. After school, it was difficult to make male friends. I became very active with church activities and it built back my self-esteem and self-confidence. It wasn't easy from the beginning but I forgave myself and gave myself another chance to love again and to be loved. Now I am happily married.

Lessons

  • In every relationship look beyond gifts, it can easily cripple and make you vulnerable as well as affect your judgement. It compromises your way of thinking.
  • Learn to say 'no' and mean your word. Men tend to respect you when they realise you are not moved by gifts and gestures and stand by your words.
  • Voice out when necessary. In a polite way or through a respected person.
  • Don't be afraid to fail, I wanted the relationship to work so I stayed in an abusive relationship. I didn't want news to break on campus that we were no longer together so I suffered silently.
  • Put yourself first when it comes to mental health. I was scared about what people will say instead of prioritising my emotions.
  • Forgive yourself and let go, don't be too hard on yourself. 
- Story shared by Akosua

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