IN THE RING OF LIFE: KEEPING A SOLO PARTNERSHIP

According to the Collins dictionary, a relationship is an emotional or other connection, association or involvement between two or more persons by blood, marriage or other social means. Relationships may be intimate, casual, platonic, romantic, co-dependent, open, sexual or even toxic. Some forms of relationship include family, friendship, acquaintances or social (work, religious affiliations, events), sexual or situationships. This implies that a relationship may have positive or negative impact on the parties involved depending on the form of relationship they share and the sense of commitment they attach to it. 

Relationships especially involving two persons of the opposite sex may be intimate, platonic, romantic, open or sexual. However in instances where the relationship is one intended for courtship or marriage, it is important for the couple to focus on building and maintaining a positive focus for continuity. Unfortunately, excuses are often made on why multiple partners are kept despite committing to an intimate relationship such as courtship or marriage. Some reasons for keeping multiple partners may include a need for extended emotional and financial support, loneliness, drive for sexual diversity, lack of contentment, relationship problems, need for acceptance and belongingness, insensitivity to a partner or lack of love. Notwithstanding these reasons and others one may provide, it is crucial to appreciate that keeping multiple partners in a courtship and especially marriage relationship may be a recipe for immense emotional, mental, psychological and physical harm to all parties involved.

As much as practicable, it is encouraged that any couple in a defined intimate relationship such as courtship or marriage should observe a certain level of faithfulness and commitment to their partners alone. Such healthy relationship goals will yield enormous benefits for the overall wellbeing of all concerned parties. Some of the benefits include:

• Ensures transparency. Keeping to one partner helps cultivate transparency, build trust and integrity. When there is no third party lurking in the shadows of your marriage or courtship, you will be able to share everything and little nothings with your partner. There is no restraint or fear of being exposed for any wrongdoings as you have no secrets in the relationship. There is also mutual respect which facilitates prompt reconciliation and harmony at all times.

• Ensures reduced risk of STDs. Sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s) are real health issues that can have dire consequences for the reproductive organs of both males and females as well as their physical and mental health. One of the recommended ways of avoiding the risk of STDs is to keep one partner especially when married to avoid the risk of infection spread from multiple sexual partners.

• Promotes fidelity. One’s ability to maintain a one-partner intimate relationship forms a base of oneness, closeness, fondness, understanding, support and acceptance. You build an unbreakable bond where you can rely on each other at all times and in every situation. This creates a firm union which can reduce the urge to stray and cheat on your partner. There is nothing to hide as open communication exists and you will be able to share concerns, joys and difficulties together as a team. This creates a firm union which can reduce the urge to stray and cheat on your partner.

• Promotes reduced financial burden. When one has multiple partners, it equates to increased expenditure. This may be inclusive of provision of basic needs, social, educational and occupational support to more than one individual. Having a one-partner relationship ensures a focused use of resources where both parties can share financial obligations devoid of unreasonable demands. This helps to avoid over burdening each other.

• Ensures less risk of dishonesty/cheating: Consciously maintaining a one-partner relationship helps reduce the risk or being dishonest or cheating on your partner. There is nothing to hide as open communication exists and you will be able to share concerns, joys and difficulties together as a team.

• Promotes peace and general wellbeing. Genuine one-partner relationship breeds care and promotes peace. There is general sense of wellbeing and fulfillment between the parties involved.

• Promotes spiritual uprightness. When a couple bonds genuinely as a team, there is a sense of morality and orderliness which can be transferred to their spiritual life. They are able to grow together and have a meaningful spiritual connection between themselves and with their God.

• Promotes a sense of responsibility. Committing to one-partner relationship promotes a sense of duty, responsibility and care for one another. There is shared love, devotion and sacrifice to ensure safety of both partners.

• Promotes healthy relationship boundaries with others. As you keep a one-partner relationship, you are able to keep other external parties out of your life and private affairs. You are able to keep safe and healthy boundaries with others to avoid trespassing which can eventually lead to harm to your relationship. Also, you become each other’s accountability partner having little or no need for third parties.

• Promotes enhanced commitment. Being intentional about preserving your relationship with one partner builds a high sense of commitment to ensure longevity of the union. You value the bond you share and will make relevant efforts to conserve its lifespan as long as you are able.

In sum, it is important to ensure that the one-partner relationship you focus on is not an unhealthy or toxic one marked by various forms of abuse (physical, emotional, social, mental), lack of support, constant blame-game, unhealthy competitiveness, controlling behaviours, disrespect, dishonesty, gas lighting, hostility, jealousy, passive-aggressive behaviours, poor communication, dictatorship and stress. A healthy relationship should be characterised by mutual respect, trust, financial collaboration, open and genuine communication, commitment, kindness, care, support for each other’s goals, enjoying each other’s company, collaborative decision making, emotional, physical and psychological warmth and continued forgiveness.

Do not feel bound to remain committed to an unhealthy or toxic relationship. Your physical, mental, emotional, psychological and spiritual wellbeing is fragile, guard it jealously. If you are unable to keep your sanity intact in that relationship, please be cautioned!