One morning, one of the twins, my three-year-old son was dressing up for us to step out. He wanted to close the flap of his shorts but was visibly struggling. I decided to guide him to do it in good time.
As I stretched to hold his flap, he held on to it, gave me a stern look and said, "Mommy stop! You told me I can do anything. Why are you helping me? I will do it myself!"
Heh! I was shocked but pleasantly surprised that he was applying the principle to even me. I managed to find my voice somehow and said, "Yes, I did say that and it's true that you can do anything. I just wanted to help you".
He replied, "No. Don't help me. I can do it myself!". I said, "Okay... I'm sorry. Please do it yourself". I watched in awe as he took his sweet time and eventually got it right. He went on to wear his belt and brush his hair all by himself. I felt proud!
What was even more rewarding was watching him feel proud of himself for his efforts yielding positive results! The smile on my face reached the depth of my heart and I rewarded him by saying “Well done my son”.
I reflected on how we parents, especially mothers, tend to get in the way of our children working their way through life and other situations on their own. We are quick to "save" them thus denying them of exploration and self-discovery of their great potentials. We make it seem as though they are incapable when in actuality, we may rather be insecure on how well we have prepared them. We may even do so because we do not appreciate their strengths but rather doubt their abilities. In some cases, we are even afraid that they are becoming too independent of us and we may lose our relevance and grip in their lives. Rather than helping them, these actions end up stifling their growth and causing them to become timid underachievers. This affects them right from their developmental stages into adulthood.
On the contrary, as parents we ought to do better by them and allow them to be who they desire to be - without restrictions or interruptions. We have a duty to guide them on the right path and ought to do so by all means. We will be amazed at the unmatched successes and feats they will chalk.
It may seem tough but it is possible. Dear parent, do you know when to stop?
I agree with you that children should be encouraged to be confident and bold to tackle their daily challenges. This will make them useful adults.
ReplyDeleteThe problem is the guidance: to know when it should come, the form it should take and the intensity.
Without the right guidance the child may be allowed to be experimenting and believe to make the right choices for him/herself which will not always happen.
The other is what I called "Over Guidance." Where the care giver ends up imposing his/her ways on the child.
These must be balanced for the child to grow to be a useful adults as seen in your young child.
Indeed, you are right. We need to ensure that guidance is offered constructively. It may be useful to seek professional services in that regard. This will provide a good balance in nurturing children right. Thank you for your contribution.
DeleteThis is true. Children know far more than we think and have more to offer than we know. Unfortunately, we often treat them as though they do not think, they are handicapped, they don't have desires of their own or they can't make good choices. When we guide them and grant them the opportunity to show what they are capable of, l belive they will always "surprise" us. Strangely enough, some mentors also think they know it all and expect their mentees to go by whatever advice or guidance they provide without allowing the mentees to process the information and apply what is useful.
ReplyDeleteThis is constructive feedback. Surely children are creative and unique with exceptional abilities. Both mentors and mentees alike need to work together to avoid dependency and attachment styles that may be unhealthy. Thank you for the comment
DeleteInsightful knowledge thanks for sharing. 💥💥💥
ReplyDeleteThank you. I hope you can share for others to learn as well.
DeleteThanks for sharing as we the potential mothers are steadily taking notes with our pens and papers…..patiently waiting for next content 🫶🏽
ReplyDeleteYou are most welcome. More content will be uploaded in time. Do stay with us
ReplyDelete