IN THE RING OF LIFE: WHO IS YOUR FRIEND?

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Friendship is a wonderful relationship. It is one which can be a source of upliftment, joy, anguish or even bitterness. It can be a bittersweet experience based on a myriad of factors. We reflect on what it means to have a friend and also to be a friend to someone. Let us closely consider the various definitions for the word "friend".

While the Cambridge online dictionary conceives a friend as “a person you know well and who you like a lot but is not a family member”, the Oxford online dictionary considers it as “a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations”.

Also, the Dictionary.com and Vocabulary.com respectively define a friend as “a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard or a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter” and “your buddy, your pal, your amigo, your comrade; someone you trust and like enough to hang out with on a regular basis”.

Based on the foregoing, a friend can be considered as an exclusive person who you know and like and with whom you share a bond and mutual affection. This relationship hinges on trust, commitment, devotion, personal regard and support which is typically exclusive of sexual ties. Here, I hypothesize that any relationship which lacks any of these principles may be a relationship but not genuine friendship.

The concept of friendship is unique to every individual; however, the dynamics are most likely to be similar in most settings. With this established, I want us to draw our attention to what it entails to have and be a good friend.

Personally I have come to believe that the decision to make friends should be a conscious one. This is because it has several implications for the overall well-being of all parties involved. A friend can build or break you.

Shrouded in the popular notion that friendship is devoid of expectations is a misconception that needs reconsideration. In every friendship lies a hidden expectation that often comes to bear only under certain conditions. It is only during those circumstances namely joyous or disastrous circumstances that the real essence of friendship can be tested and assessed.

Any friendship that withers in the face of hardship or pain is not worth keeping. Similarly, any friendship that causes constant retrogression in the lives of those involved needs to be re-examined. Most significantly, friends who are only present during joyous occasions need to be checked! One must therefore be clear on expectations and responsibilities before making a commitment to any friendship.

On what basis do you make friends? Are you chosen by your friends or you choose who to classify as your friend? No individual is an island yet it is imperative to be able to discern and carefully identify who our friends should be. Together with our friends, we should be able to rub positive energy off each other and equally sail through crises situations with our relationship intact.

Be guided that if anyone offers you a barter relationship, it may not necessarily be friendship. Additionally, you must not engage in sexual ties with someone you consider a friend or to win favours in the guise of friendship. Before you express confidence in the number of friends you have, assess yourself and do same with them too.

For all you know, they may just be acquaintances who know you only slightly by virtue of a shared space and other beliefs in places like the office, school, faith based institutions, social gatherings among many others. There is no shame in acknowledging and ending an unproductive friendship if it becomes necessary but it should be done with sensitivity and consideration for the emotions of all the individual(s) involved.

“If you have a good friendship, guard it jealously and give it your best efforts and devotion. It may just be that safe space you can be your best self!”.

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