IN THE RING OF LIFE: DIVORCE IS TOUGH, WILL YOU BE KIND?

Marriage ceremonies are beautiful. They mark the beginning of a union between a couple, and by extension their families and friends, who have consented to be united as one. Where there is love, there can only be joy, peace, harmony and other equally edifying attributes. No wonder during celebration of marriages, an open invitation is extended to the general public to join the couple to make merry and share in the love of that festive occasion. No two individuals get married unless there is a shared motive; the measure of the actual intentions being positive or negative is solely a preserve known only to the couple involved.

After the celebration of the marriage ceremony, the actual work of sustaining the union rests exclusively on the couple involved. While some influences may be present from other equally concerned parties, there is no obligation for others to play a direct role in the proper functioning of the marriage or union. However, in cases where the marriage or union faces some irreconcilable differences resulting in a need to end the marriage commitment (also known as divorce), the narrative changes.

According to the Online Etymology dictionary, the word divorce is the "legal dissolution of the bond of marriage," from Old French divorce (14c.) also from Latin word divortium which means "separation, dissolution of marriage”, and from divertere which also means "to separate, leave one's husband, turn aside". It is also equivalent to the word divort or divortere. Di means “apart” and vertere means “to turn to different ways.”

Even though in some cases the divorce is sought on amicable and peaceful grounds, in a lot of cases, divorces are long, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, financially and even physically exhausting to the parties involved. For the affected couple and their dependants, the divorce signifies an end to a once promising journey of hope, trust, peace, and unending positivity. However, some of these divorce cases are absolutely necessary to save the mental, emotional, psychological and the very lives of those involved.

Before you settle on harshly judging someone for being a divorcee, be careful to ask and examine yourself along these lines:

1. Do I really need to know what necessitated the divorce?

2. What value will knowing the causes of the divorce add to my life and that of the divorcees?

3. What if they explored all reconciliatory means and were unsuccessful?

4. Did I ever contribute positively to their marriage while it lasted?

5.Will my condemnation add any positivity to an already difficult situation?

6.How can I show compassion, care and support to divorcees?

Interestingly in the course of the marriage, you may not have made any positive significant impact on the couple or their relationship issues. So, you actually have little or no right to intrude or question their decision to end the union.

During the divorce process or on the day of granting the divorce, there is no merry-making event open to the public. At best, the petitioners, their legal representatives and the judge are the only invited parties to the court; no external parties directly support the process.

Ultimately, the decision to get divorced is a choice made by one or both parties in a marriage; it should be respected and not be a subject for public discourse. Indeed, divorce is hard; do not make it any harder. No one ever sets out to marry an enemy with the intention of getting a divorce. Therefore, will the stigmatisation, name-calling or ill treatment add any value to the already broken marriage?

Perhaps for all you know, that divorce action is the only remaining avenue for the parties involved to live meaningful lives again. Rather than treat divorcees as outcasts with contagious diseases, let us embrace them as individuals who deserve to love and be loved right!

When you have the opportunity to choose a stance in dealing with someone who is going through or recovering from a divorce, I hope you will choose to be a source of hope and healing rather than an inquisitive source of rebuke and misjudgment. If there was no marriage, would there even be a need for divorce?