IN THE RING OF LIFE: AFFECTION FOR THE LIVING OR FOR THE DECEASED?

Whereas it has been observed that individuals across the European continent are independent and expressive about emotions, that is joy, sadness, anguish, pain, frustration, excitement among others, their counterparts in Africa are more conservative and interdependent; that is, emotions are most often hidden behind deeds rather than in words.

However, it is interesting to note that for most individuals in Africa, particularly Ghanaians, public expression of inner emotions unreservedly is considered as not normal. It is commonplace therefore to hear an expression such as “Men don't cry”. Again, it seems quite unusual to hear parents express love verbally to even their children or spouses publicly. Perhaps except for some upper class families who have some foreign influence and as such, identify with such expressive behaviours, the masses generally consider it unnecessary and somehow even inappropriate to be that affectionate.

In most instances, the times when one can observe an open display of affection towards close relations are during joyful occasions such as naming ceremonies, marriage celebrations, and on birthdays. Interestingly, another occasion where love and perhaps sympathy is most expressed is during funerals. The concentration of this piece is on this somewhat peculiar mode of expressing affection.

Indeed, the event of death or bereavement is an undeniably painful but inevitable transit for all humanity. Although no individual knows when he or she will exit this world, there is perhaps an unconscious appreciation that it may happen anywhere at any time. I believe that this should be one of the driving forces to propel us to be more expressive in our emotional engagements. Sometimes when a particular person is being celebrated widely, it may be on one of two accounts - death or achievement. Sadly, it is often when one dies in Ghana that he or she receives exceptional accolades publicly. In Ghana, irrespective of your actual behaviours in life, death automatically makes you a lovable person.

Some individuals are unable to experience genuine care, compassion, affection or support in their lifetime but during their funeral, the guests usually outnumber the budgeted projections. Even most welfare schemes offer more benefits to one in death than when he or she is alive. Sad, right? Why wait to express love for individuals only when they are enclosed lifeless in a box?

I believe that we can and owe it a duty to ourselves to be affectionately more expressive in life and not in death. We need to express love, care, support and neighbourly devotion when the individual can witness it for him or herself. Parents ought to normalise telling their children how much they are loved. Men should be allowed to cry if they so please. Women should be able to express any emotion they desire without being shamed and called weak. Children should be able to express love positively to each other without crossing boundaries. Friends and families should normalise visiting homes of their loved ones in life instead of travelling miles before they search for their relations home only to pay last respects to the deceased.

Members of society should be open to offering support of all kinds to one another when the need arises and do so in love without prejudice. There should be no shame in expressing affection among us; that is what makes us human and keeps us bonded. What expressions of emotions have you been holding back?

Next time you praise someone publicly; it had better not be because the person is deceased but because you are celebrating life! What is the point in donating large sums of money to support a funeral when you denied supporting the person in life with an amount less than a third portion of what you now offer in death? In instances where distance is a barrier to physical visits, technology can be utilised effectively through audio or video calls or simple chats and messaging.

It is impossible, only when we make excuses to stay apart. Let us check ourselves! Whatever is holding us back from being affectionate can be worked on, are we willing?