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IN THE RING OF LIFE: SUPPORT IN GRIEF II


Sympathisers may genuinely desire to offer condolences and other form of support to lighten the burden on the immediate bereaved persons as they go through the period of grief but unfortunately, not all sympathisers are able to achieve this purpose. In some scenarios, they end up worsening the pain thereby causing more harm than the intended good. 

This post concludes the list of some ways through which meaningful support can be offered to anyone experiencing grief. You may refer to the earlier list of support options for the bereaved via https://reflectiveseedsbycounsellorseyram.blogspot.com/2024/03/in-ring-of-life-support-in-grief-i.html

7. Refrain from sharing your personal loss experience. A statement like I know exactly how you feel is one highly abused in comforting a bereaved person but this should not be the case. Losses are exclusive to every individual and should not be compared in moments of offering grief support. It may be emotionally draining for the giver of that information as well as the recipient and since it is almost impossible for one person to actually know exactly know another feels, such expressions must be used with caution.

8. Respect their space. Much as offering support and acts of condolences can be helpful to the bereaved, it is crucial to respect the privacy and space of such persons as well. When such persons request for space or privacy, it should be respected. There should be no imposition on them to visit or contact them. Messages of condolence and encouragement may however be sent to reassure them that they are not alone. It may also be helpful to offer words of comfort such as I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m your friend, I’m here for you.

9. Do not offer voluntary advice: It is easy to resort to giving advice to the bereaved on how to do certain things or otherwise. Sharing personal opinions or giving unsolicited advice may be irritating or unhelpful to the bereaved. Comments such as Everything happens for a reason. Life goes on; forget it and move on should be avoided or used sparingly as they may send impressions of insensitivity to the bereaved.

10. Listen more and talk less. Though contacting the bereaved via phone calls may be of help, physical presence can be extremely calming. Nonetheless, the tendency to want to engage in small talks with the bereaved may be high. It is essential to note that for most persons in grief, they will be battling a lot of emotions; as a result, they may not be willing to engage in long conversations. Except they request for it, chats should be limited. One can sit with them in silence as a sign of solidarity and only speak after careful consideration of what is essential. However, comments such as It is well. Be strong. He lived a long time, at least he didn’t die young must be avoided as they may be hurtful.

11. Be empathetic. Sympathy is distinct from empathy in that empathy is a deeper ability to sense other people's emotions as well as imagine what the people may be thinking or feeling. It entails putting yourself in the person's place thus offering compassion and understanding instead of pity as in the case of sympathy. Empathy is your ability to relate to the emotions of the person as though you were directly affected while sympathy is your relief in not having the same problems. Helpful words may be I’m so sorry for your loss. Whenever you want to talk, just know that I am a phone call away. Know that you are not alone.

12. Remember the one who has passed fondly. Sharing fond memories of the deceased and what they might have done positively to impact your life and others is a heart-warming reminder and testament of a life well lived. It may be comforting to know that the departed person is loved and made a positive impact in society. Remarks such as He or she was so nice to me. One of my favourite memories of him or her was… He or she was so wonderful and will be missed by so many people… may be soothing words to the grieving person.

Affectionate gestures such as a warm hug, a gentle shoulder rub, resting their head on your shoulder, taking a walk (where possible), or just sitting with them in silence can be some of the most comforting gestures to reach out to the grieving person. Understand that words and actions during grief can either heal or hurt the bereaved person.

Please remember that when grieving becomes unbearable and moves beyond a certain threshold, it can result in malfunctioning of the individual and risky or abnormal behaviours can develop. In such instances, there is a need to get examined by a trained counsellor, mental health practitioner, psychiatrist or psychologist for support. There is no shame in seeking the right support to overcome the trauma of loss to help manage grief properly.



References

https://www.boltonhospice.org.uk/news/2020/12/what-to-say-and-what-not-to-say-to-someone-who-grieving

https://www.empathy.com/grief/what-not-to-say-to-someone-who-is-grieving

 


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