IN THE RING OF LIFE: WHAT IS YOUR TRANSPARENCY PASSCODE?

Marriage is a deep-seated social construct where two independent individuals resolve to partner resources and live as a holistic single unit to improve the worth of each other hopefully for a lifetime. It is a choice and commitment to make sacrifices and leave every other person because of the decision to be with that particular individual.

Every marriage relationship is unique in that no two couples are the same. Irrespective of the possibility of shared similarities, there will never be two marriages that are the same. This is a fact applicable even in rare cases where twins marry the same set of twins. This implies that, for any marriage relationship to endure the test of time, the couple must be devoted and willing to work continuously to sustain the love, peace, unity, bond and every good virtue on which the union is founded. The decision to remain married to one individual out of the lot is based on the belief of trust, respect and appreciation of the worth and value the person adds to your life.

As a social construct, marriage is intended to facilitate procreation. Spiritually, marriage is a covenant between two individuals who become one flesh and are naked and unashamed. Marriage offers a scope of emotional stability in terms of companionship, partnership and dependability. Whereas there are no strict rules to follow to ensure one has a successful marriage relationship, there are certain basic guiding principles that are significant to help couples keep their relationship afloat.

One of such principles is TRANSPARENCY. Transparency in this context means to be sincere, frank, open and exposed to your partner or significant other without withholding any information. Transparency means the ability to share everything with your partner without fear, shame or guilt. We consider transparency in the following areas:

1. Transparency in Communication: Couples are to ensure that they speak clearly to issues without ambiguity. In both verbal and non-verbal communication, it is necessary to be explicit and avoid withholding any information that could alter the meaning and interpretation of the message being conveyed. Couples who hide certain information in communication may be breeding fertile grounds for lies, lack of trust and constant conflict. Making assumptions that a spouse is pre-informed about issues without actually providing the information has the potential to cause petty misunderstandings that can easily be avoided. Communication should be closed at all times and action points settled upon before the conversation ends.

2. Transparency in Financial matters: Some individuals claim that in a marriage relationship, the man's money is for the family but the woman's money is for her. Unfortunate as this may be, it is the practice in many homes today. This should not be the case. Why? Finances fuel many activities thus its good management or otherwise has the potential to make or break homes. Each couple is at liberty to decide how to spend their income; however, it may be prudent to have dialogue and disclose earnings to your partner. This may be useful not only in finding the best use for your finances but also in planning and deciding on investment ventures as well as appreciating the actual financial stance of the family. When partners are kept in the dark about each other’s finances, it may bring about undue burdens and expectations from either parties. This may affect other aspects of the marriage negatively.

3. Transparency in Device Usage: Technological devices such as cell phones, computers are useful tools for communication, learning, entertainment among others. They could be useful or harmful tools depending on how it is used by the individual. For us as emotional beings, spending time with others constantly creates room for developing affection. Through information sharing via such mediums, engagements may become intimate which may lead to certain distractive behaviours. 

Some couples have the tendency to restrict their partners from accessing their devices with claims of it being their private property and personal space. Agreeably, professional information on devices should not be shared with a partner or any party who has no direct connection with the information; nonetheless, same cannot be said for personal engagements with others besides your partner. Why? Such hidden or locked information often sets the tone for unhealthy conversations with external parties. Your partner is an extension of you thus there should be no exclusive privacy between you two as any form of partitions usually does not add much positive impact to the marriage relationship. Some cases have been witnessed where such device restrictions from spouses has caused discomfort in emergencies where there is need to access the device. If there is nothing to hide, why the need to impose restrictions?

4.Transparency in conflict: As humans irrespective of the amount of affection, devotion, commitment, unity or love a couple may have for each other, conflicts may arise but as often as possible, it is important to address those issues in an amicable, timely and non-confrontational manner to maintain the peace and stability of the marriage. To be transparent in conflict is to express your true feelings and emotions unreservedly to your spouse. Couples must create an environment where their concerns will be treated with relevance and addressed appropriately. With this achieved, they can progress to make any amends where needed, forgive each other and move on without keeping record of the offense or begrudge the offender. This will help keep the harmony in the marital union.

Without transparency, trust may be highly compromised either unintentionally or on purpose. Keeping a transparent marital relationship may seem difficult but it is achievable. To be transparent in a marriage relationship is a conscious choice to show yourself uncovered and unashamed to the person you have chosen to spend life with.

Every married couple needs to learn daily the techniques that suit them to sustain the beautiful and uplifting union they have signed up for. Remember that transparency has the ability to cause you less emotional and psychological stress. You get to live on earth once; thus, find happiness and make it count especially in a marriage relationship.

The absence of transparency is equivalent to locking out your partner from your personal affairs with a code. Sharing the code of your finances, conflict, communication and devices sets your union apart and keeps the foundation of your bond pure, strong and enduring against the tests of time. With transparency, you get to keep a companion without skeletons, united in body, mind and spirit as well as share a peaceful home. Today, I dare ask, does your spouse have the passcodes to your life?