IN THE RING OF LIFE: YOU CAN SHINE AS A SINGLE PERSON.

Singlehood is a common phenomenon worldwide which is synonymous to words such as unmarried, unwedded, separated, divorced or unattached. To be single means the individual does not have a partner with whom he or she shares a relationship either officially or otherwise. Singlehood happens in many forms and someone in that state may not necessarily be by choice. It could be as a result of existential circumstances which they have no control over. Conversely, it may also be by personal choice to simply be alone until such a time where one deems it right to be bonded to another person. Whichever scenario may be the case, individuals who are single need to be mindful of certain issues as they navigate through life. Also, the preying public needs to be conscious of certain reasons why they ought to be less critical of individuals who are single.

Singlehood can be a period of self-empowerment and positive influence if singles can consider the following:

1. Build your life. This is a holistic approach to ensuring that you give yourself the best care, career advancement, spiritual and psychological well-being. Generally, it is a time to look out for your growth physically, mentally, emotionally and socially. There must be an intentional effort to experience the best feats of development where possible. Excuses should not be made nor any room given to complacency. While alone, let every personal moment count for something significant in relevant fields of endeavour.

2. Love yourself. Self-love is a vital discovery you will make in life to help you sail through the loneliest days you may experience. As a single person, one must learn to genuinely appreciate his or her existence and be happy with oneself alone without feeling lonely. This me-time comes in very handy especially when others are preoccupied with their own issues and are unable to support you as you hope for. Loving oneself involves prioritising your health, looks, career or vocation, other relationships and generally being happy and content by yourself. It is a good period to develop your self-esteem and self-worth needing little or no validation from others.

3. Do not compare too much or have unrealistic standards. Sometimes, a single person may not find a suitable companion due to the fact that he or she constantly compares individuals they meet with others already in their lives whom they consider as ideal. There is the temptation of setting unrealistic standards and expectations for a partner. For example, a young lady or gentleman who has a deep bond with his or her parents may idolise them. Such a situation may lead him or her to compare his or her parents with any likely suitor. Also, a widow or widower may make unhealthy comparison of potential suitors with the deceased partner. This is not bad in itself but one must be measured and understand that every individual is unique; thus, no two persons can offer the same level of affection, care and love.

4. Do not settle for less. Despite the caution to be measured in setting realistic standards, singlehood should not compel anyone to settle for less than they deserve. Everyone deserves to be respected, loved, cherished, honoured and treated with dignity and compassion. Anyone unable to offer these and similar virtues has no right to expect the single person to give in to a relationship with him or her. Healthy compromise is encouraged but in cases where the red flags (likely dangers) are obvious, one should not make excuses just to evade being single.

5. Understand that no season is permanent. No condition is permanent. With time, there is room for new opportunities, experiences and engagements. Thus, if you find yourself single at any point, do not despair or give up hope of meeting the right person to complement you positively. Pressure may come from both within and external forces. However, you must be your own person and decide to commit to a relationship only when you are ready and the circumstances are favourable. Sometimes, your destined partner may be closer than you expect so do not close the door and throw in the towel of hopelessness.

In certain instances, parents, close relations, friends, colleagues and other acquaintances have a sense of entitlement to become matchmakers or push single individuals into relationships. Whereas this may not be with negative intentions, it may not always produce the best results.

Except in instances where the single individual is suffering from a peculiar health condition (physical, mental or physiological) and therefore is unable to reason properly, the healthy single person is likely to have goals, dreams and plans regarding having a relationship. It is therefore prudent to respect the space of such single individuals and allow them to make choices and decisions that affect their relationship status.

Do not compel single people to enter into relationships based on assumptions or expectations of how their lives ought to be. It is essential to appreciate that being single is not equal to being unserviceable or aimless. The excessive probing, coercion to enter relationships and heart piercing inquisitions must be avoided as much as possible. Companionship is great but it should not be a reason for compulsion to enter into an unhealthy and unproductive relationship. Why hurt yourself needlessly by entering a toxic relationship when you can make singlehood meaningful and joyful?

Singlehood is actually a good period to explore one's identity, vision and purpose in life. Instead of considering singlehood as a lonely time of waiting, it should be seen as a time to shine at one's pace. When utilised properly, it can be a season of rejuvenation, personal reflection and goal actualisation. It is a time to test one's ability to survive when there is no help or support in sight. It is the best phase to develop yourself well before entering a relationship. When you are able to excel in singleness, you set a mark as an achiever who breaks boundaries and takes your destiny in your own hands. This will earn you ultimate respect and place you at an advantageous position at all times.

If you find yourself being single, make the best out of it. Choose you and let your mental, physical and psychological wellbeing come first. Singlehood is not a punishment but rather a period to be free to make informed choices, heal from hurts and live the best life you can afford. 

On that note, my dear single gentleman or lady; please breathe easy; your finest match will surely show up in grand style!