HEALING TOGETHER: TRAUMA IS REAL, SEEK HELP!

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When I was eight years old, my only brother died and it took a heavy toll on me. Interestingly enough, I didn’t cry when I heard the news. By age 13, I didn’t understand why I always felt so sad. I developed fear of heights because I’d hear voices urging me to jump every time I went one storey up a building. I struggled with a profound sense of loneliness and a void in my heart, which I never understood as a child. I started cutting myself as a way to cope.

I lived through this darkness for many years, somehow escaping death one way or the other. Now, I feel it was God desperately yanking me out of a dark place because He needed me to tell my story so that it can to give others hope.

Despite being the one with the biggest smile among my friends, I struggled to leave my house every day, dreading bumping into someone I had to greet. I loved being home by myself but also hated the feeling of loneliness. I got panic attacks whenever I heard the phone ring, so I always kept my phone on silent. For some reason, being on a phone call scares me. I don’t like gatherings and public places, but if I manage to go, I know how to start conversations and make people laugh.

Over time, I realized a few things that triggered my feelings and what made me feel better. No matter how I felt, worshipping, crying and laying my life bare before God helped me gather a small light in my heart. I came to understand that I needed to trust God who had kept me all these years. Spending time with Him, expressing my vulnerabilities and deep love for the Creator who made me and knows me, brought me peace. Receiving hugs from my husband also made me feel better.

Physical affection helped me feel connected and loved. I noticed I got worse whenever I felt stressed as stress amplified my negative emotions and made it harder for me to cope.
Although I always encouraged others to see a psychologist, I never saw one myself until over two decades later. Seeing a psychologist helped me understand that the void I felt in my heart may be linked to my brother’s death. I think professional help is crucial for understanding and healing from deep-seated emotional pain. I also realized that I loved helping people and being there for them. Despite the difficulty of getting out of bed each morning, I try to show up for others and that gives me a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

• Seek professional help. Don’t hesitate to see a psychologist or counsellor. They can help you understand and heal from your pain.

• Find your coping mechanisms. Identify what triggers your negative emotions and what helps you feel better. For me, it was worship and physical affection.

• Trust in God. For me, trusting God and expressing my vulnerabilities to Him brought me peace and light.

• Help others. Being there for others can give you a sense of purpose and help you heal.

- Edith

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