IN THE RING OF LIFE: LEARNING TO SAY NO

To say NO is an expression of refusal, disagreement, denial, disbelief or even a way of emphasising a particular issue or decision taken. Saying no is quite often considered unpleasant because it signifies unacceptance to yield to something others expect you to subscribe to or give consent for. Conversely, building the ability to say no can actually imply positive growth and be a sign of maturity in the life of the individual. Let us examine some reasons why saying no can be a beneficial response to the individual in life.

•  It reduces stress levels. Sometimes other people make demands of us without consideration for the effect or implications on our schedules, health and personal interests. Every human being has an inbuilt need to satisfy personal goals. This may imply getting others to carry our tasks or responsibilities as we pursue those desires. When we are unable to say no to others, it could result in putting undue pressure on ourselves to meet their expectations at our own expense. Sometimes, this translates into stressing ourselves for their sake. Thus, we ought to be able to politely turn down requests that will culminate into stress for us.

• It gives you the opportunity to be yourself. Quite often, we are inclined to give consent or approval even in situations where we do not entirely accept or agree with the choices presented to us. This is because we may be afraid or lack the needed courage to face the reality and truth. We make unhealthy compromise and pretend that we are fine with the agreement when we are not! Subsequently, we might have pleased the other person but we are left to a state of anger, frustration, bitterness and regret. Saying no, therefore, gives you the opportunity to avoid such negative experiences and be yourself.

•  You learn to give only what you have. When we develop the ability to say no, we are able to screen requests and only accept those we are comfortable to comply with. We are then able to live and function within our means. This helps us prevent placing avoidable burdens on ourselves while pleasing others.

• It increases sincerity in relations. Sometimes in a bid to avoid saying no when that is actually what we want, we end up making excuses or telling lies and saying yes. This could easily be avoided if we are sincere to ourselves and others. We must learn to let our no be no and our yes be yes.

• You earn respect of others. No one can take you for granted when you are able to say no when it matters the most. When we are able to say no explicitly based on principle, we earn the respect of others as they get to understand that they cannot take us for granted. They will appreciate us and respect our use of time and other resources in any human relationship we establish with them.

• You preserve your dignity. When we say no to positively safeguard a situation, we avoid misinterpretations and misrepresentation of our intentions. Depending on the circumstances, saying no to tempting offers can help us avoid destroying our personality and reputation. Thus, we are able to preserve our dignity.

•  It minimises guilt. Consenting to wrong choices or actions may result in the feeling of remorse, self-resentment, regret and guilt. While saying no may make us unpopular with some people, it paves room for us to be protected from feeling guilt and living with regrets. Rather than having to wish that we had done better, we can be confident that, we did what is right by standing our guard and saying no!   

We may need to forsake some luxuries or sugar coated benefits by saying no. However, in due time, we will appreciate that our ability to stand firm and resolute is worth so much more than just the instant gratification of bending rules!