Reflective Seeds by Counsellor Seyram

To say NO is an expression of refusal, disagreement, denial, disbelief or even a way of emphasising a particular issue or decision taken. Saying no is quite often considered unpleasant because it signifies unacceptance to yield to something others expect you to subscribe to or give consent for. Conversely, building the ability to say no can actually imply positive growth and be a sign of maturity in the life of the individual. Let us examine some reasons why saying no can be a beneficial response to the individual in life.   It reduces stress levels . Sometimes other people make demands of us without consideration for the effect or implications on our schedules, health and personal interests. Every human being has an inbuilt need to satisfy personal goals. This may imply getting others to carry our tasks or responsibilities as we pursue those desires. When we are unable to say no to others, it could result in putting undue pressure on ourselves to meet their expectations at ou...

  I share two-fold major events about how God’s mercy has kept me from pain and shame. Here is my story… In the early 1990’s, my parents had been together for a couple of years, one pregnancy or two came and got aborted early. However, when they finally got married, pregnancy became a prayer topic. By the Mercy of God, my mum got pregnant. I was born and they named me Gifty , meaning Gift of God . My second name which is in Ewe means, Thanks be to God . My happy and pampered childhood was so short lived that I don’t remember much of it. My dad, who eventually married two wives, lived more with the second one. While I was the beloved daughter, I would usually live with him and the second family because he was a teacher and I was enrolled in the school he taught in -   one of the most expensive schools in Ghana at the time. I would see my mum on weekends. During the weekdays, of course I would go everywhere with my dad, that includes the little outings with side chicks and all...

My story is one laced with bittersweet encounters but I have the will to share it because I believe others can have the courage to do what I couldn't do for myself and my future years ago. When I got married about thirty-nine (39) years ago, it was with the understanding that my husband will accept as his own, my daughter who was a toddler at the time. He assured me that he loved me and accepted to love and nurture my daughter as well.  He even insisted that I should stay at home while he worked to cater for the family.  In the beginning, I accepted his conditions not to work and we were a beautiful family open to welcome more children. He kept to his promise, at least for the first two years of the marriage and our home was peaceful. However, his sisters visited one day and discouraged him from taking care of my daughter who they labelled as another man's child. She was still but a little girl. Somehow, they managed to get him to neglect my daughter and he never reconsidered ...

I lost my virginity as a teenager through multiple rape but I couldn't tell anyone. It changed my life as I became suicidal. I felt worthless with nothing left to protect and I just wanted to die. I became timid and vulnerable; so, several men took advantage of me. By the time I was in my mid-twenties, about twenty (20) men including close male friends, distant relatives, colleagues from school, church and even some pastors took advantage of me sexually. I began to consider myself as being under a CURSE and constantly attempted suicide but failed. Eventually, I got married despite my family disapproval and many unresolved issues between myself and my partner. I just wanted to be married hoping the "curse" will be broken and I will be set free. Sadly, I realized soon after the marriage that I had made a terrible mistake. The "curse" was not broken and men still exploited me and had their way with me but my husband did not even care or protected me. I gradually w...

Mind reading is an act of trying to discern the thoughts of others without the latter expressing them explicitly. It is necessary to work against mind reading as it leads to distorted thoughts, beliefs and assumptions about issues concerning us and those influenced by our activities. Here is a real life story illustration on why mind reading must be avoided at all times… I had arranged for dressmakers to work on new clothing for our twins. When we went to the shop for the clothing, our son’s attire was ready for collection while his twin sister’s clothing was not ready as promised by the dressmaker. We left the shop disappointed as we had only one attire. The next day when the twins were being dressed up, our son wore his new clothing while the sister had to make do with the old clothing. Looking at them, I felt sad and guilty that we could not facilitate her new attire reaching her in time (although it was not directly my fault. I felt responsible). So I said to her “ I will get...

When I was eight years old, my only brother died and it took a heavy toll on me. Interestingly enough, I didn’t cry when I heard the news. By age 13, I didn’t understand why I always felt so sad. I developed fear of heights because I’d hear voices urging me to jump every time I went one storey up a building. I struggled with a profound sense of loneliness and a void in my heart, which I never understood as a child. I started cutting myself as a way to cope. I lived through this darkness for many years, somehow escaping death one way or the other. Now, I feel it was God desperately yanking me out of a dark place because He needed me to tell my story so that it can to give others hope. Despite being the one with the biggest smile among my friends, I struggled to leave my house every day, dreading bumping into someone I had to greet. I loved being home by myself but also hated the feeling of loneliness. I got panic attacks whenever I heard the phone ring, so I always kept my phone on s...

When I turned 28, the topic of marriage became harrowing. I was getting older and needed to settle by the old age of 30 or so I thought. It so happened that my spiritual mother connected me to her spiritual son who happened to be a pastor. Incidentally, I had informed her in a conversation that I would be glad to get married to a pastor. I did not think that she would connect me to a pastor who was still navigating life for himself. Someone who had no church affiliation and still lived in his parents’ house. Retrospectively, this was not the issue for me. I eventually agreed to the marriage hesitantly. This was my spiritual mother, she could not have made a mistake in connecting me to a life partner. In fact, I felt there was something enigmatic about the pastor’s demeanour but I could not put them in words. He was over excited to meet me but reluctant to start making arrangements for marriage. Eventually, the cat came out of the bag and we all got to know that he had an alcohol addic...