Reflective Seeds by Counsellor Seyram

I never thought I would have the courage to share this, but the lessons I have learnt might help someone else. In my early thirties, I returned to school for graduate studies. I was single and focused — and I certainly didn’t expect that an academic environment would be a breeding ground for sexual predators. I have kept myself for marriage. It’s not something I broadcast, but my innocence in this area tends to show. That year, I also lost my father. In my grief and vulnerability, I longed for someone who could fill that emotional gap. That, in hindsight, was my mistake. Here’s the truth: accomplished older men are often drawn to younger women who admire them — especially those who appear vulnerable. Over time, four lecturers made sexual advances toward me. At first, I thought something must be wrong with me . I even went to therapy. Therapy helped me see clearly: that some men are just predators. They target women who remind them of the dreams they once had — or the power they want to...

According to the Collins dictionary, a relationship is an emotional or other connection, association or involvement between two or more persons by blood, marriage or other social means. Relationships may be intimate, casual, platonic, romantic, co-dependent, open, sexual or even toxic. Some forms of relationship include family, friendship, acquaintances or social (work, religious affiliations, events), sexual or situationships. This implies that a relationship may have positive or negative impact on the parties involved depending on the form of relationship they share and the sense of commitment they attach to it.   Relationships especially involving two persons of the opposite sex may be intimate, platonic, romantic, open or sexual. However in instances where the relationship is one intended for courtship or marriage, it is important for the couple to focus on building and maintaining a positive focus for continuity. Unfortunately, excuses are often made on why multiple partners...

The Cambridge online dictionary defines waiting as “to allow time to go by, especially while staying in one place without doing very much, until someone comes, until something that you are expecting happens or until you can do something”. The Collins Dictionary also expresses the term wait as “when spending some time doing very little, because you cannot act until that thing happens or the person you expect arrives”.  To wait in life basically implies experiencing a pause or halt in a hitherto planned life pattern or schedule due to a reason or two. As we go through life, there may be reasons which can compel us to wait for someone or something. Some may be voluntary while others may be involuntary. Involuntary reasons for waiting in life includes unemployment, financial challenges, issues with social interactions, environmental constraints, religious demands,   relationship problems, disasters, sudden loss or illness, death and   other existential issues. Volunt...

In our part of the world, the ultimate goal for most marriages is to procreate but years into our marriage, we realised that our dream was not forthcoming. In the initial stages, we were not affected because we had so much hope in God and the bond between us was just too strong for anything to break us. However, at a point, I realised that we were drifting apart, which I think was as a result of our inability to conceive. After visiting several hospitals alongside herbal treatments, we were still not seeing results. Instead, it was one sickness after the other which led to so much anxiety especially for me. The realisation that we were growing and that time was not on our side coupled with hurtful comments from close friends at work and church against us to confuse my husband and encourage him to have children out of wedlock worsened my state. I developed severe anxiety disorder as a result and had to focus on treating the disorder.  While dealing with the anxiety disorder, other ...

One morning, I was headed out to town. A distance before I arrived at the bus station, a bus conductor signalled me to join their bus - a wine coloured commercial bus known as " trotro " in Ghana. Upon reaching the bus station, I saw another bus (a green one) ahead of the one I had initially been called to join. Compared to the wine bus which was still relatively empty, the green bus was full of passengers and would be in motion faster. By my calculations, I would be better off reaching my destination faster via the green bus; so, I went past the wine bus and settled in the green bus. As we were en-route on the main road, we encountered the usual buzzing traffic experienced by most commuters in the capital. The driver, therefore, decided to take a detour to avoid the traffic and reconnect later to the main road. No passenger on board really complained about his actions at this point.  Then, unfortunately the new route proved to have a higher traffic experience as compared t...

There is a popular belief that, no one is indispensable in life. Indeed, there are many situations in which people who were once considered a core part of the value chain of a business or institution suddenly become extinct. This may be caused by sickness, transfers, resignation, dismissal or even death. Irrespective of the reasons why you may have to exit from a business for example, it is important to consciously build a niche of excellence for yourself. This will add significant value to you as a person even as you leave an unforgettably positive impression on your team or employers.  Here are some ways in which you can make yourself a valuable asset for a business or the institution where you find yourself. 1. Execute tasks with utmost diligence . Do not rest on your oars and offer lackadaisical output because you are already on a payroll. Approach every activity or task assigned to you with excellence. Ensure that your final delivery is the best option you have to offer. Unt...

To say NO is an expression of refusal, disagreement, denial, disbelief or even a way of emphasising a particular issue or decision taken. Saying no is quite often considered unpleasant because it signifies unacceptance to yield to something others expect you to subscribe to or give consent for. Conversely, building the ability to say no can actually imply positive growth and be a sign of maturity in the life of the individual. Let us examine some reasons why saying no can be a beneficial response to the individual in life.   It reduces stress levels . Sometimes other people make demands of us without consideration for the effect or implications on our schedules, health and personal interests. Every human being has an inbuilt need to satisfy personal goals. This may imply getting others to carry our tasks or responsibilities as we pursue those desires. When we are unable to say no to others, it could result in putting undue pressure on ourselves to meet their expectations at ou...

  I share two-fold major events about how God’s mercy has kept me from pain and shame. Here is my story… In the early 1990’s, my parents had been together for a couple of years, one pregnancy or two came and got aborted early. However, when they finally got married, pregnancy became a prayer topic. By the Mercy of God, my mum got pregnant. I was born and they named me Gifty , meaning Gift of God . My second name which is in Ewe means, Thanks be to God . My happy and pampered childhood was so short lived that I don’t remember much of it. My dad, who eventually married two wives, lived more with the second one. While I was the beloved daughter, I would usually live with him and the second family because he was a teacher and I was enrolled in the school he taught in -   one of the most expensive schools in Ghana at the time. I would see my mum on weekends. During the weekdays, of course I would go everywhere with my dad, that includes the little outings with side chicks and all...

My story is one laced with bittersweet encounters but I have the will to share it because I believe others can have the courage to do what I couldn't do for myself and my future years ago. When I got married about thirty-nine (39) years ago, it was with the understanding that my husband will accept as his own, my daughter who was a toddler at the time. He assured me that he loved me and accepted to love and nurture my daughter as well.  He even insisted that I should stay at home while he worked to cater for the family.  In the beginning, I accepted his conditions not to work and we were a beautiful family open to welcome more children. He kept to his promise, at least for the first two years of the marriage and our home was peaceful. However, his sisters visited one day and discouraged him from taking care of my daughter who they labelled as another man's child. She was still but a little girl. Somehow, they managed to get him to neglect my daughter and he never reconsidered ...

I lost my virginity as a teenager through multiple rape but I couldn't tell anyone. It changed my life as I became suicidal. I felt worthless with nothing left to protect and I just wanted to die. I became timid and vulnerable; so, several men took advantage of me. By the time I was in my mid-twenties, about twenty (20) men including close male friends, distant relatives, colleagues from school, church and even some pastors took advantage of me sexually. I began to consider myself as being under a CURSE and constantly attempted suicide but failed. Eventually, I got married despite my family disapproval and many unresolved issues between myself and my partner. I just wanted to be married hoping the "curse" will be broken and I will be set free. Sadly, I realized soon after the marriage that I had made a terrible mistake. The "curse" was not broken and men still exploited me and had their way with me but my husband did not even care or protected me. I gradually w...

Mind reading is an act of trying to discern the thoughts of others without the latter expressing them explicitly. It is necessary to work against mind reading as it leads to distorted thoughts, beliefs and assumptions about issues concerning us and those influenced by our activities. Here is a real life story illustration on why mind reading must be avoided at all times… I had arranged for dressmakers to work on new clothing for our twins. When we went to the shop for the clothing, our son’s attire was ready for collection while his twin sister’s clothing was not ready as promised by the dressmaker. We left the shop disappointed as we had only one attire. The next day when the twins were being dressed up, our son wore his new clothing while the sister had to make do with the old clothing. Looking at them, I felt sad and guilty that we could not facilitate her new attire reaching her in time (although it was not directly my fault. I felt responsible). So I said to her “ I will get...